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Sylvie - My Autobiography

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Sylvie Wright, An Extremely Stubborn Bitch

I got Pneumonia not once but twice,

And I really don’t want to make it thrice,

The first time I weighed less than 6 stone in weight,

This left me in a very weak state,

I was living on the edge,

It was a very narrow ledge,

Because on top of Pneumonia I got C-Dif

I was living on the edge and then fell off the cliff,

They thought my problem was that I could not swallow,

Life without food left my world feeling hollow,

But the real problem was I couldn’t be sick,

That’s right, I couldn’t vomit,

The Fortisip came up and then went down the airway,

And then in my lungs it did stay,

Yes that’s how the infection did begin,

And the Fortisip in my lungs did get in,

At the time I felt like Pneumonia had won,

I felt defeated because food got in my lungs,

Thankfully I managed to recover,

I lived to fight another day and see many others,

At the time I‘d become very weak,

Because I was too sick to drink and eat,

But I couldn’t give up on my life without a fight,

Even though I was very light,

Thankfully I did not die,

It was not my time to say goodbye,

I didn’t sleep for three whole nights,

And believe me after that I felt very uptight,

I felt very highly strung,

And felt again like Pneumonia had won,

The problem was I did hyperventilate,

My heart did beat at a very fast rate,

There was little chance of sleep,

And at the time I did weep,

I was so cream crackered,

That’s right I was totally knackered,

Recovery took three weeks,

Thankfully I didn’t admit defeat,

I had septicaemia and a u.t.i,

And inspite of all these I did not die,

I must be a cat with nine lives,

Because everything I seem to survive,

When I had pneumonia many stories I reported,

And some of them were very contorted,

I think I went a little bit insane,

How mad my random brain,

I saw my late grandma whose maiden name was Bear,

I couldn’t believe she was right there,

I couldn’t believe my eyes

It was a very big surprise,

She was sat in a wheelchair,

And the sight made me stare,

Did you know that mother-in-law is an anagram of ‘Woman Hitler’,

Now there was a very evil mister,

Yes he was evil and twisted,

And the world a better place if he’d never existed,

Now back on track with my sister-in-law,

When I got Pneumonia at her I swore,

For that Steve said he would pay me good money,

Because he found it really quite funny,

No, Carol is good,

Even with Pneumonia this I understood,

At the time I remember a good looking male nurse,

And with him I sometimes did converse,

Since this time I’ve lived many years,

But my life is still often controlled by fears,

Now, I am quite healthy, and I’m a good weight,

So I’m no longer in a very bad state,

I have my carers from 9 til’ 6,

I love them all to bits,

I have a carer called Maverney,

And when I misbehave, she speaks to me sternly,

I only misbehave when I’m tired,

And my nerves feel hot-wired,

I eat now four times a day,

Every time I do, to Maverney thanks I say,

Because she’s a brilliant cook,

On her food I am hooked,

Maverney I call her Vern,

And when I misbehave, boy do I learn,

But she’s gives me outstanding care,

Of that I’m very aware,

Steve calls her Vinny,

And when cleaning she wears a pinny,

I’ve got a carer called Tasha,

As carers go she’s a fire cracker,

Tasha can be very blond,

And of her son Trevonte I am very fond,

I forgot to mention Yvonne,

To my care team she also does belong,

 She does the odd Saturday but mostly puts me to bed at night,

Than back to her house she takes flight,

The problem now is that I have become addicted to the burp,

And for my carers I can be very hard work,

Yes, I always want to burp,

And it drives everyone berserk,

How many times do I burp a day, sometimes it’s best not to ask this question,

And the b word it is often best not to mention,

I’m sure at times Verni and Tasha want to throw me in a ditch,

But I’m still here because I’m an extremely stubborn bitch,

I am a burping addict,

I’ve got a terrible burping habit,

I even swallow air to make myself burp,

I must be a complete and utter twerp,

Regarding burping I now feel conflicted,

Because burping 18 hours a day is unrealistic,

I mean it’s ok to burp once in a while,

But I burp like it’s going out of style,

I burp like it’s the latest fashion,

To control this, watermelon, my carers do ration,

I love to eat all the watermelons the shops are selling

How much a day now that will be telling,

Burping makes no logical sense,

When burping I feel like I’m in a prison surrounded by a gated fence,

I’m in prison surrounded by a fence and locked gate,

From this prison I really want to escape,

Yes I really want to break free,

To improve mine and everyone’s life quality,

So steps I am taking,

Towards this habit to be breaking,

Verni says you’ll never change, you’ll never learn,

But all I can say is watch me Vern,

We’ll see what happens; I want my life to be ace,

So I say is people watch this space,

I know I don’t have to burp, but I don’t yet believe it,

But at least now I can conceive it,

As apparently it’s a learnt behaviour,

Verni’s food is full of flavour,

Verni’s food is always made fresh,

I love it, it is the best,

I was trying to work out how sick could ever be good, or ever be cool,

But then I thought I’m good and I’m sick so all I say now is sick mum’s rule,

Thankfully nowadays each day I only have one Fortisip,

I have to be careful that it doesn’t make me sick,

Because if it does I have this problem with Phlegm,

And I always think oh no not again,

In life I try to look at the glass half full, not half empty,

But even half full I think that is still plenty,

I overcame my half womb when I had Marcus my son,

And in that instant I became a mum,

I couldn’t go out and get a job because of the MS,

So I put Steve on the net and made him a big success,

So I am very proud of myself,

Because I did that I spite of poor health,

And in doing so I made Steve and I quite rich,

And I’m still here as I’m an extremely stubborn bitch,

Do you know why Steve is mad?,

Because he’s had to be both mum and dad,

All my friends are completely quackers,

And all my friends are as mad as hatters,

A bit like a paddling duck,

I survive, I never give up,

In recent years MS has progressed a lot,

And far worse I have got,

Now to transfer I use a hoist,

And every day I’m alive I rejoice,

Yes sometimes I can be rude, selfish and neurotic,

It’s a shame for anxiety there is no antibiotic,

I still seem to press the button self-destruct,

And that really does screw me up,

Tasha’s Trevonte said given the life I‘ve led,

I should be more confident, yes that’s what he said,

He says I should believe in myself more,

And then 3-1 against MS is the final score,

I feel like I’ve already won,

Because so many places I have been, and the things I have done,

Yes I feel like a winner,

With MS at 21, I was just a beginner,

But now that I’m 43,

I’m an MS OAP,

To be alive, I feel fortunate,

I go on because I never give up,

I know after 22 years MS cannot be fixed,

But I go on because I’m an extremely stubborn bitch.

Sylvie Wright

February 2017


My Crazy Brain

Our Chemistry Teachers

A Universe of Thought

Sylvie Wright, An Extremely Stubborn Bitch

My Crazy Brain

If you were in a race

And you passed the person in 2nd place

Would you be number 1

If you think so you’d be wrong

No you wouldn’t come first,

You’d come 2nd, but second is good, you could be worse

If there was a hole in the ground

How much dirt in it can be found?

If you think any dirt at all

That would be a very bad call

Because of dirt there is not one speck

Do you get the answer yet?

This is because in that hole

It is empty there is nothing at all

What do you call a fly that is dead?

Not a fly that cannot be said

It is a flown

Did that answer make you groan?

What do you call a daddy long legs, that has no legs

It no longer a daddy long legs now it is dead

It’s just a daddy all alone

Just a daddy on its own

What do you call a wasp that is dead?

It’s not a wasp that cannot be said

It is a was without the P

So it could be the Queen B

What do you call a bee that is dead?

It’s not a bee that cannot be said

The bee that is dead has been

It might even have been the Queen

But not a legume

You can consume

It’s more of a ‘bin

But not a bin you put your rubbish in

More of a bin n gone,

where you bin, Hong Kong

No where you (w)heely bin, (w)heely bin Hong Kong

Did it get there, no the bee didn’t live that long

As it’s dead not alive

And no longer buzzes in a hive

What do you call a flea that is dead?

It’s not a flea it’s a fled

What do you call a clown that is a twin?

The twin who is the double of him

He’s not a clown I asked my friend Jaqui on the phone

He’s less of a clown, more of a clone

What do you call a Seagull that is dead?

It’s not a Seagull that cannot be said

It’s a Soargull, that’s not true because it doesn’t soar

In the air as before

Maybe it’s a seen

Because it has been

But whether dead or alive in the rain it gets soaked

So I would call it a seengulped

Sylvie Wright

October 2016

Our Chemistry Teachers

Me and Sara fancied our Chemistry Teacher

So in our lesson plans, Chemistry did feature

We thought Mr Carroll looked like Micky Rourke

And we loved all the Chemistry he taught

He taught about S orbitals, D orbitals, and P orbitals too

And from this how with bonds, molecules grew.

His voice had an Irish lilt

And he showed through bonds how chemicals are built

We used litmus paper and with acid it turned red

We were never allowed to work with the dangerous element lead

And with Alkaline it turned blue

During lessons with him, time simply flew

In lessons when not using litmus paper

We learnt how to turn liquid to vapour

This was known as evaporation

And going from gas to liquid, was condensation

We also did distillation which made chemicals more pure

Chemistry we simply couldn’t ignore

When we put Magnesium in flame it burnt white

It was spectacular burning so bright

Sodium burnt with an orange flame

We knew each periodic element by name

Hydrogen, Helium, Beryllium, Boron too,

Carbon, Nitrogen, Oxygen, Fluorine, to name a few

We often used the Bunsen burners

We were bright and quick learners

We also had a Chemistry teacher called Mr Conheeney

On the blackboard his writing wasn’t teeny

In fact it was quite a scrawl

When he drew his lessons on the blackboard on the wall

But despite this we managed it to decipher

And write our notes without using a typewriter

So we could understand

All the lesson he had planned

Once Mr Conheeney came in

And on his face was a really big grin

Because he’d asked Miss Butler to marry him

And she’d said yes, so her he did win

They went on to have a son

And then they had another one

So they had 2 brothers,

First one and then another

Sylvie Wright

October 2016

A Universe of Thought

Stephen Hawkins has Motor Neurone disease,

But Einstein I think he would have pleased,

As illnesses go it’s one of the worst,

He survived, a genius thinking about the universe,

He’s got a brilliant mind,

And wrote a book called ‘A Brief History of Time’,

Most people with Motor Neurone, at most 5 years stay alive,

But amazingly for over 40 years he has survived,

With his Carer he had an affair,

At first his wife was unaware,

Then the love was plain to see,

And split up his family,

Time and Space aren’t real,

Psychic mediums tell us our spirits defy time and about how they feel,

Ok that’s probably mostly mumbo jumbo,

I think it probably is, but I don’t know,

I’m not an atheist, I’m an agnostic,

My faith in god, I seem to have lost it,

I’ve had hands on healing so many times,

It’s never worked, no help, rather a bind,

The Universe started with a big bang

But did it just happen or was it planned

It’s best not to get stuck in a black hole, no never,

Because time slows down and you’d get pulled apart for ever,

Since then the Universe continued to expand,

An infinite amount, did it just happen or was it planned,

In our Solar System, we live in the Milky Way,

How many galaxies in the Universe, nobody can say,

Its billions, far too many to count,

You add up for ever, so large the amount,

Too many to count by far,

Millions, billions and even more stars,

When I went to university,

I got the nickname Entropy,

This is because I was chaotic,

And more than a little entropic,

So the name entropy, was given to me,

Entropy is a powerful force; it makes sugar dissolve in tea,

Going from a state of order to disorder

Like a garden full of weeds with no border,

Entropy makes the Universe expand,

Did it just happen or did God it plan,

If there is a God, I think God is love,

Maybe we’ll find out in heaven above,

Or maybe after we die,

Bad people go to hell and then they fry,

But I don’t really believe in heaven or hell,

On that subject I don’t like to dwell,

Because I have enough problems getting through this life,

And causing friends and family a lot of trouble and strife,

Stephen was a victor over his illness not a victim,

I think the Nobel Prize should be given to him,

Stephens work is theoretical, on the edge of space and time,

And his problem is that it cannot be proven or defined,

That’s because we’ve got a finite brain,

So trying to understand infinity really could drive you insane,

Maybe if Nobel’s were given by the queen,

To Buckingham Palace he should have been,

But unfortunately one cannot prove a black hole exists,

Otherwise his name would be first on that list,

Yes his name would be first,

For all his work on the entire universe,

Did you know gods sexist,

Does he know ladies exist?

In church you sing hymns not hers,

So he favours not the madams but the sirs,

And at the end of a prayer it’s not awomen but amen,

So God favours men once again,

Did you know God had a name?

And it is not female, it is not Jane,

It’s actually Peter because at the end of the prayer you say thanks Peter God,

My dad in the chip shop preferred Haddock over Cod,

It is amazing how the Universe gave birth,

To all the planets including the Earth,

The Earth’s exactly the right distance from the sun,

For life to evolve, to have begun,

Even though the Earth has a big tilt,

It’s here where all life was built,

Wow, on the Earth, life did evolve,

This story by Darwin to us has been told,

David Attenborough has studied all kinds of species,

About which I’m sure he’s written many a thesis,

But not about me and Marcus my son,

My reMarcusable boy, my currant bun,

I now really celebrate every New Year,

For surviving another, I’m glad I’m still here!

Sylvie Wright

November 2016

Please feel free to Email me with any comments


Sylvie’s Autobiography

Inc Health Diary

Sylvie in

the Media

How to


with MS



with MS





Sylvie’s Poems



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